Most people refer to controlling behavior as negative. It can definitely be. But believe it or not, the traits that make a person controlling often are highly desirable, such as being focused, detail oriented, making quick decisions, seeing things clearly, and acting with efficiency. If, however, controlling people neglect to pay attention to the impact their behavior has on others, relationships will begin to deteriorate. Controlling behavior becomes negative and damaging when the controller doesn’t focus some control on their own behavior.
Controlling people want to have things done their way, no matter what and as a result they close off the views, ideas and creativity of others. In a partnership where the relationship is of key importance, one person cannot be in charge all of the time. Unless this is part of the agreement between them (and this is not likely), chances are the partnership will soon be in jeopardy.
Beyond the partnership itself, controlling behavior in general is incongruent with the goals of growth, expansion and creativity. No matter how creative the controlling person is, this type of behavior is constrictive rather than expansive.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHANGE THE DYNAMIC?
It can be a challenge for controllers to accept options and ambiguity, but in the end, if they can train themselves to accept shades of gray instead of black and white, the world of possibilities expands.
If you are a controlling personality, use your ability to control your own behavior, especially in regards to others. Start by beginning to notice how others, especially your partner(s) experience your behavior and how they feel when you attempt to control. You might even ask them. Take some time to consider everything from the other person's point of view. It's called good listening and empathy. It's a willingness to understand the other and to accept the fact that there is more than one right way to do things. Doing this does not mean you both or all won’t decide to do it your way. It simply brings respect into the relationship, an absolute necessary element for successful partnerships.
Have conversations about this dynamic of control in a matter of fact manner. Stop the conversation if it becomes argumentative and emotional. If it is too difficult to have the discussions hire a coach to facilitate. This minimal investment can go a long way to help your relationship succeed.
MORE SUGGESTIONS:
Develop a willingness to try someone else's ideas. Start with something small.
Think of a time when you didn't get your way and the outcome was ok.
Think of a time when you got your way and it didn't work out that well.
The 7C’s Danger Signs guidebook in my Blueprint package for a successful partnership will help you overcome many of the dangerous practices in your partnership relationship. See it at http://www.businesspartnershipsolutions.com
Monday, February 8, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Are You A Solo Looking For a Partner?
Perhaps you started a business a while ago and it is going well for the most part, but you decided that you’d like not going it alone.
Maybe you have connected with someone who could be a potential partner. You may have actually met on the tennis court and found that you have some common interests beyond sports.
You arrange to meet for lunch and talk business. In the process you both discover that your business and career goals seem to line up. He likes what you do and is looking to make a move. And, you see someone who can inject some needed capital and even brings skills that, for now, are a little thin in your business.
You arrange to talk again soon. You both are moving ahead emotionally about becoming partners and it looks like the “planning the wedding stage” is gaining momentum.
While your new partner may be inclined to invest the same amount of money that you originally put in, in order to be an equal partner, there are certain considerations that must be faced first.
You know how it feels to be in this business. Your new partner only has an imagined idea of it.
You feel ownership and no matter how happy you are to have a partner, there can be times that you will feel that the business is really your baby. So besides all of the issues that need to be discussed, agreed upon, and written clearly in a start up partnership agreement, in this case additional questions have to be answered.
Here are some of the things you need consider:
Make different arrangements about ownership with this new partner. A trial period can be a very good idea. The reasons are that you haven’t had the time to know each other in the context of working on and in the business. Your new partner won’t know for a few months or longer if he actually enjoys it, and neither of you will know if you like working together for awhile.
If a new partner walks into half ownership by way of whatever agreement you made and then wants to leave in 6 months, he could still retain his share. That might leave you owning half of your business. Discussing and making decisions about buy-backs, equity retention, and other implications is where I advise you to retain high caliber (not necessarily the most expensive) legal and financial advisors.
It is wise not to plan the wedding before you both have answered the 15 Questions which will help you know if you are a potential good match.
Go to http://www.businesspartnershipsuccess.com/ to sign up.
If you decide to move ahead invest the small sum in my Blueprint package where you both will be guided to discuss areas of vulnerability and to decide on as many What IF Scenarios that you can be think of early on.
Go to http://www.businesspartnershipsolutions.com/
The more foundation work you do upfront the more your likelihood to succeed as partners will increase.
Resolve differences or discover early on that you are not a match and remain good tennis buddies.
Feel free to email your comments and questions. info@businesspartnershipsolutions.com
Maybe you have connected with someone who could be a potential partner. You may have actually met on the tennis court and found that you have some common interests beyond sports.
You arrange to meet for lunch and talk business. In the process you both discover that your business and career goals seem to line up. He likes what you do and is looking to make a move. And, you see someone who can inject some needed capital and even brings skills that, for now, are a little thin in your business.
You arrange to talk again soon. You both are moving ahead emotionally about becoming partners and it looks like the “planning the wedding stage” is gaining momentum.
While your new partner may be inclined to invest the same amount of money that you originally put in, in order to be an equal partner, there are certain considerations that must be faced first.
You know how it feels to be in this business. Your new partner only has an imagined idea of it.
You feel ownership and no matter how happy you are to have a partner, there can be times that you will feel that the business is really your baby. So besides all of the issues that need to be discussed, agreed upon, and written clearly in a start up partnership agreement, in this case additional questions have to be answered.
Here are some of the things you need consider:
Make different arrangements about ownership with this new partner. A trial period can be a very good idea. The reasons are that you haven’t had the time to know each other in the context of working on and in the business. Your new partner won’t know for a few months or longer if he actually enjoys it, and neither of you will know if you like working together for awhile.
If a new partner walks into half ownership by way of whatever agreement you made and then wants to leave in 6 months, he could still retain his share. That might leave you owning half of your business. Discussing and making decisions about buy-backs, equity retention, and other implications is where I advise you to retain high caliber (not necessarily the most expensive) legal and financial advisors.
It is wise not to plan the wedding before you both have answered the 15 Questions which will help you know if you are a potential good match.
Go to http://www.businesspartnershipsuccess.com/ to sign up.
If you decide to move ahead invest the small sum in my Blueprint package where you both will be guided to discuss areas of vulnerability and to decide on as many What IF Scenarios that you can be think of early on.
Go to http://www.businesspartnershipsolutions.com/
The more foundation work you do upfront the more your likelihood to succeed as partners will increase.
Resolve differences or discover early on that you are not a match and remain good tennis buddies.
Feel free to email your comments and questions. info@businesspartnershipsolutions.com
Monday, January 11, 2010
Your Partnership is Great...You Say. Here's How You Can Be Sure.
You may actually be in a pretty good partnership, even one that's lasted for years. So why do I suggest that you take a closer look anyway, with the help of a coach, at least once a year?
Having a third party expert review the way you function as a partnership will bring to light the blind spots. And, believe me, they are there. We can't see ourselves objectively. It is the same reason the greatest athletes need a coach to point out weak spots. A golfer, for example, cannot see his/her own swing.
We often get in the habit of maintaining a facade that "everything's ok". It is often easier to ignore conversations about potentially uncomfortable Issues. However, this can very detrimental to the health of the partnership in the long run.
This type of check up session will enable the small annoyances or "slight" resentments that are there to be brought out in a safe environment so they can be dealt with in a friendly, healthy manner and nipped in the bud. Resentments tend to fester if they are not addressed. Maybe the festering will be slow enough to go unnoticed. However, many seemingly successful, long-lasting partnerships have ended painfully and expensively in court. Resentments fester beyond repair if ignored. A check up session at regular intervals, once or twice a year, can prevent that from happening.
Periodically coaching of a functioning partnership also helps to identify ways in which partners deal well with the business issues and with each. When you know what you are doing right, you can consciously put those methods in your toolbox, build on them and pull them out when things get a little rough. In the process, additional new and even better ways can be created and strategized. There is always room to improve. If you can't see what you are doing wrong, you may also miss what you are doing right.
The most important tool to successful partnership relationships is to communicate. That is a word that merits definition. Communication, for the most part, is effective listening. The goal is not to make your case, or to get your way, but to really deeply hear and respect your partner’s point of view.
A periodic tune up with a third party expert facilitating the discussion can ensure long-term success for any partnership.
Suggestions:
Ask yourself 2 questions: Is there something I am avoiding speaking to my partner about because it feels too painful, annoying, or confrontational? What do I suspect my partner is avoiding bringing up for one of those same reasons?
Book a check-up session.
Here are some additional tools I suggest for you:
If you are considering a partnership or would like to go back and do some of the thoughtful work you skipped before becoming partners get the 15 very important questions to ask yourself and your partner for only $14.95.
www.coachingforyournextlevel.com ....click on business partners in the left menu.
Invest in yourselves by purchasing the Blueprint package including the “What If” Scenarios, the 7C's Danger Signs to Avoid and other bonuses. See the description at www.businesspartnershipsolutions.com. At an introductory price of $497 you will get a very worthwhile return on this small investment.
If you are a coach to entrepreneurs who may be in a partnership or considering one, you can use these tools in your process of coaching them. More tools to come....
You have made a serious investment, both financially and emotionally to create this business. Do everything you can to make it a joyful success.
Feel free to email your comments and questions.
info@businesspartnershipsolutions.com
Having a third party expert review the way you function as a partnership will bring to light the blind spots. And, believe me, they are there. We can't see ourselves objectively. It is the same reason the greatest athletes need a coach to point out weak spots. A golfer, for example, cannot see his/her own swing.
We often get in the habit of maintaining a facade that "everything's ok". It is often easier to ignore conversations about potentially uncomfortable Issues. However, this can very detrimental to the health of the partnership in the long run.
This type of check up session will enable the small annoyances or "slight" resentments that are there to be brought out in a safe environment so they can be dealt with in a friendly, healthy manner and nipped in the bud. Resentments tend to fester if they are not addressed. Maybe the festering will be slow enough to go unnoticed. However, many seemingly successful, long-lasting partnerships have ended painfully and expensively in court. Resentments fester beyond repair if ignored. A check up session at regular intervals, once or twice a year, can prevent that from happening.
Periodically coaching of a functioning partnership also helps to identify ways in which partners deal well with the business issues and with each. When you know what you are doing right, you can consciously put those methods in your toolbox, build on them and pull them out when things get a little rough. In the process, additional new and even better ways can be created and strategized. There is always room to improve. If you can't see what you are doing wrong, you may also miss what you are doing right.
The most important tool to successful partnership relationships is to communicate. That is a word that merits definition. Communication, for the most part, is effective listening. The goal is not to make your case, or to get your way, but to really deeply hear and respect your partner’s point of view.
A periodic tune up with a third party expert facilitating the discussion can ensure long-term success for any partnership.
Suggestions:
Ask yourself 2 questions: Is there something I am avoiding speaking to my partner about because it feels too painful, annoying, or confrontational? What do I suspect my partner is avoiding bringing up for one of those same reasons?
Book a check-up session.
Here are some additional tools I suggest for you:
If you are considering a partnership or would like to go back and do some of the thoughtful work you skipped before becoming partners get the 15 very important questions to ask yourself and your partner for only $14.95.
www.coachingforyournextlevel.com ....click on business partners in the left menu.
Invest in yourselves by purchasing the Blueprint package including the “What If” Scenarios, the 7C's Danger Signs to Avoid and other bonuses. See the description at www.businesspartnershipsolutions.com. At an introductory price of $497 you will get a very worthwhile return on this small investment.
If you are a coach to entrepreneurs who may be in a partnership or considering one, you can use these tools in your process of coaching them. More tools to come....
You have made a serious investment, both financially and emotionally to create this business. Do everything you can to make it a joyful success.
Feel free to email your comments and questions.
info@businesspartnershipsolutions.com
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Transparency in Partnerships
It is essential in close relationships that transparency be the rule. If you and your business partner cannot be open and share everything about who you each are, how you feel about things, and be able to talk about them, then I would say your partnership can easily get into trouble. Partnership is like a marriage. Married couples that don't talk about everything, share feelings and resolve issues are easily seen as problematic. The same holds true with your business partner.
Hiding, avoiding, secretly resenting, harboring dissatisfaction are all words and phrases that have no place in successful partnerships.
Try openness with the commitment to resolve any problems to insure the ultimate goal of a long life of happiness and business success.
Listen to how other partners do it..
Free teleseminar http://tinyurl.com/y8jtsqb
Free assessment and interview recordings with successful partnerships.
Listen and adopt their ways for yourself. www.businesspartnershipsuccess.com
Hiding, avoiding, secretly resenting, harboring dissatisfaction are all words and phrases that have no place in successful partnerships.
Try openness with the commitment to resolve any problems to insure the ultimate goal of a long life of happiness and business success.
Listen to how other partners do it..
Free teleseminar http://tinyurl.com/y8jtsqb
Free assessment and interview recordings with successful partnerships.
Listen and adopt their ways for yourself. www.businesspartnershipsuccess.com
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Your questions about business partnerships answered
It is for you to ask....a Free Teleseminar where you can ask anything you'd like to about business partnerships. Jan. 26, if you can't be there, sign up anyway for free recording. Details at http://tinyurl.com/y8jtsqb
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Do You Value Your Gifts?
by Dorene Lehavi, PhD
I have a divorced friend, Miranda (not her real name) who is 66. She is off to an Eastern European country to teach English as a second language. I met her in the context of our mutual ballroom dance lessons about 18 years ago. She has always amazed me with the way she lives life.
She has climbed the Himalayas and visited almost every corner of the world. She is an avid hiker and camper. She usually camps alone but lately took her 7-year-old grandson to Yosemite. She has been a very creative grandmother involving all of her grandsons in amazing activities.
She has contracted some serious illnesses which she doesn't allow to keep her from adventures.
She has owned property and lost it. She has been financially comfortable and also in dire straits.
She is extremely generous and has acquired the wisdom of a woman who has been through a lot to say the least. She is very curious and will research even the smallest of topics. Bottom line, she is resilient and always picks herself up and moves on.
I recently suggested that she put this adventurous life into a book. She sloughed off the idea as uninteresting and perfectly average. Wow! Not to me! But I understand where she is coming from. We all tend not to recognize our unique gifts because they come easy to us. So we underplay their value and significance. It took me awhile to know that most others don't do what I do well. I always was aware that I don't do what they do. Feeling bad about it is a waste of time and a formula to lower your self esteem.
We all have strengths and unique gifts. Focusing on those and building on them is how we discover that we are much more than we think we are.
My workbook "Stop Doing What You Hate Start Doing What You Love" and the workshops I facilitate are geared to helping participants identify what is very unique and special about themselves. Additionally, participants who choose to can culminate with a collage or vision board depicting their uniqueness.
If you are not able to participate in one of my workshops you can still enjoy the book which has an accompanying mp3 download of me guiding you through the process. BUY HERE
One final thought on this subject. It is foolhardy to compare yourself to anyone else. We are all on our own particular journey in this life, which makes comparing a waste of time that will keep you stuck for as long as you decide to stay there.
Enjoy your journey of self discovery!
Dorene
Copyright © 2009 Dorene Lehavi Ph.D. All rights reserved.
I have a divorced friend, Miranda (not her real name) who is 66. She is off to an Eastern European country to teach English as a second language. I met her in the context of our mutual ballroom dance lessons about 18 years ago. She has always amazed me with the way she lives life.
She has climbed the Himalayas and visited almost every corner of the world. She is an avid hiker and camper. She usually camps alone but lately took her 7-year-old grandson to Yosemite. She has been a very creative grandmother involving all of her grandsons in amazing activities.
She has contracted some serious illnesses which she doesn't allow to keep her from adventures.
She has owned property and lost it. She has been financially comfortable and also in dire straits.
She is extremely generous and has acquired the wisdom of a woman who has been through a lot to say the least. She is very curious and will research even the smallest of topics. Bottom line, she is resilient and always picks herself up and moves on.
I recently suggested that she put this adventurous life into a book. She sloughed off the idea as uninteresting and perfectly average. Wow! Not to me! But I understand where she is coming from. We all tend not to recognize our unique gifts because they come easy to us. So we underplay their value and significance. It took me awhile to know that most others don't do what I do well. I always was aware that I don't do what they do. Feeling bad about it is a waste of time and a formula to lower your self esteem.
We all have strengths and unique gifts. Focusing on those and building on them is how we discover that we are much more than we think we are.
My workbook "Stop Doing What You Hate Start Doing What You Love" and the workshops I facilitate are geared to helping participants identify what is very unique and special about themselves. Additionally, participants who choose to can culminate with a collage or vision board depicting their uniqueness.
If you are not able to participate in one of my workshops you can still enjoy the book which has an accompanying mp3 download of me guiding you through the process. BUY HERE
One final thought on this subject. It is foolhardy to compare yourself to anyone else. We are all on our own particular journey in this life, which makes comparing a waste of time that will keep you stuck for as long as you decide to stay there.
Enjoy your journey of self discovery!
Dorene
Copyright © 2009 Dorene Lehavi Ph.D. All rights reserved.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
In a Business Partnership Playing It Safe is a Big Risk
If each partner’s individual commitment to the business is less than 100%, then the partnership and the business are on shaky ground. The problem stems from thinking you have made the 100% commitment, but in fact you haven't. You cannot possibly make a complete commitment to a partnership until the partners have outlined in detail what that commitment entails. It’s big! The 100% commitment requires that you will see things through no matter how rough it gets.
What do you need to address in order to make the commitment solid? The answer is in two areas: Your character, and a solid business plan.
Character
What do you know about yourself and your partner(s) in terms of how you each handle things under dire circumstances? This requires a deep sense of honesty with yourself and each other.
You must have conversations about how you have handled things in your past. Were there other partnerships? Alliances? What did you do or would you now do differently to make it work before concluding that a split is the only way? If a split was necessary how did you handle it? Do any of you have a pattern of not finishing things or keeping your word? Start by analyzing yourself. “When the going gets tough the tough go shopping” is the joke, but what do YOU do when the going gets tough?
A history of broken commitments does not have to be the end of it all if you have learned from those situations. Some relationships are better ended What is important are the lessons you learn about yourself, about relationships and about how you stay the course.
Business Plan
Why is the business plan needed in order to successfully establish the 100% commitment? If partners have not talked in the greatest details of how the business will run and what each person's job description is and then written all of it into a business plan, the commitment cannot be considered solid.
Many times people begin a business on the basis of what they think is a good idea and because they have complementary skills. They skip talking about the nitty-gritty details about who will do what and who will cover what they don’t each do. They begin to work and, though things may seem to be running smoothly at first, shortly thereafter, problems arise. The problems often arise when one partner begins to feel like they are doing much more than the other and is not being recognized for it. Sometimes both or all partners feel this way.
100% commitment means you don't have the tiniest of safeguards that allow you to have one foot out the door just in case. Playing it safe for yourself is a big risk for the business and the partnership.
Dale and Harry have had a long term successful partnership. Each separately experienced a prior failed partnership with someone else. I interviewed them to find out what they view as the reasons for their success. You can hear what they have to say about commitment to the business and each other. Listen to me interview them. They are the first of 3 successful partnership mp3 interviews you will receive when you sign up for my FREE partnership assessment at http://www.businesspartnershipsuccess.com
You will also receive two additional interviews of successful partnerships, one a married couple. You can learn a lot from these people who graciously share their stories.
Here are some additional tools I suggest for you:
If you are considering a partnership or would like to go back and do some of the thoughtful work you skipped before becoming partners get the 15 very important questions to ask yourself and your partner for only $14.95.
www.coachingforyournextlevel.com .... click on business partners in the left menu.
Invest in yourselves by purchasing the Blueprint package including the “What If” Scenarios, the 7C's Danger Signs to Avoid and other bonuses. See the description at www.businesspartnershipsolutions.com. At an introductory price of $497 you will get a very worthwhile return on this small investment.
If you are a coach to entrepreneurs who may be in a partnership or considering one, you can use these tools in your process of coaching them. More tools to come....
You have made a serious investment, both financially and emotionally to create this business. Do everything you can to make it a joyful success.
Feel free to email your comments and questions. info@businesspartnershipsolutions.com
What do you need to address in order to make the commitment solid? The answer is in two areas: Your character, and a solid business plan.
Character
What do you know about yourself and your partner(s) in terms of how you each handle things under dire circumstances? This requires a deep sense of honesty with yourself and each other.
You must have conversations about how you have handled things in your past. Were there other partnerships? Alliances? What did you do or would you now do differently to make it work before concluding that a split is the only way? If a split was necessary how did you handle it? Do any of you have a pattern of not finishing things or keeping your word? Start by analyzing yourself. “When the going gets tough the tough go shopping” is the joke, but what do YOU do when the going gets tough?
A history of broken commitments does not have to be the end of it all if you have learned from those situations. Some relationships are better ended What is important are the lessons you learn about yourself, about relationships and about how you stay the course.
Business Plan
Why is the business plan needed in order to successfully establish the 100% commitment? If partners have not talked in the greatest details of how the business will run and what each person's job description is and then written all of it into a business plan, the commitment cannot be considered solid.
Many times people begin a business on the basis of what they think is a good idea and because they have complementary skills. They skip talking about the nitty-gritty details about who will do what and who will cover what they don’t each do. They begin to work and, though things may seem to be running smoothly at first, shortly thereafter, problems arise. The problems often arise when one partner begins to feel like they are doing much more than the other and is not being recognized for it. Sometimes both or all partners feel this way.
100% commitment means you don't have the tiniest of safeguards that allow you to have one foot out the door just in case. Playing it safe for yourself is a big risk for the business and the partnership.
Dale and Harry have had a long term successful partnership. Each separately experienced a prior failed partnership with someone else. I interviewed them to find out what they view as the reasons for their success. You can hear what they have to say about commitment to the business and each other. Listen to me interview them. They are the first of 3 successful partnership mp3 interviews you will receive when you sign up for my FREE partnership assessment at http://www.businesspartnershipsuccess.com
You will also receive two additional interviews of successful partnerships, one a married couple. You can learn a lot from these people who graciously share their stories.
Here are some additional tools I suggest for you:
If you are considering a partnership or would like to go back and do some of the thoughtful work you skipped before becoming partners get the 15 very important questions to ask yourself and your partner for only $14.95.
www.coachingforyournextlevel.com .... click on business partners in the left menu.
Invest in yourselves by purchasing the Blueprint package including the “What If” Scenarios, the 7C's Danger Signs to Avoid and other bonuses. See the description at www.businesspartnershipsolutions.com. At an introductory price of $497 you will get a very worthwhile return on this small investment.
If you are a coach to entrepreneurs who may be in a partnership or considering one, you can use these tools in your process of coaching them. More tools to come....
You have made a serious investment, both financially and emotionally to create this business. Do everything you can to make it a joyful success.
Feel free to email your comments and questions. info@businesspartnershipsolutions.com
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